No, I don’t mean “Get a good job, travel the world or get married and have ten kids”, I mean really, deeply and mentally get your shit together.
This is something I’ve been wanting to write about since I read Mark Manson’s “The subtle art of not giving a f***” book, but since we know how to control our “fu**’s budget” can we move to the good part where we get to know what is actually wrong with us??
After two months of being irrationally impulsive and making crazy decisions that I’ve only blamed my “stress” on, I came to a realization that “hey, I could be damaged, lol” (my future therapist probably wouldn’t laugh at this but anyway…)
I realized that I have problems because I constantly need to validate myself and when I fail to do so, I start feeling rejected and I f*** things up and you may ask “But why tho Judy?” and I’ll tell you why.
You see, when a person has Alzheimer’s they tend to remember childhood memories first, why? well because first, the disease triggers these memories and second, because they play a crucial part in our lives.
All of our problems come from our childhood memories. Whether it was something minor such as: your friend leaving you for another friend and dealing with rejection, or major such as: experiencing a traumatizing life event, the effect is the same, (well, slightly).
So now, you’re older and you think that you don’t even have a problem! You’re only obsessed with the gym or you live to be liked by people or your self-esteem drops so low when you don’t look good. So you make up a purpose, you catfish people on Instagram, you almost tear your muscles apart at the gym, you go out on 20 dates in one month or you spend all your money on drugs, why? To forget.
To forget what? That you have a problem! That you need validation from someone who’s not your parent, you give yourself a purpose without having one, to begin with. But no matter what you do, you feel like you haven’t accomplished anything, that you’re not good enough and there goes another drink or whatever you distract yourself with.
When the only person who needs to be fixed is you, you ignore yourself, you deny your real problems, just like what I was doing. And the only thing that you can do is to reflect back on your life and see what has gone wrong, to look back at your child-self and say “I wish I was there to make you feel better, I wish I was there to give you a hug and to tell you that you’re gonna be alright”
And when you do that (A thing that you’ll be doing every day till you make peace with yourself), you can start with a real plan that will actually validate you in a healthy way, so here are my tips with some gifs lol
1.Allow yourself to feel.
Let all of the anger and the sadness and the no self-esteem feels out until you drown in them and then take all of that, put it in a trash bag and throw it away. Every. Single. Time, until you learn how to get rid of negative emotions without hurting people around you.
2. Stop worrying about others and start worrying about yourself
Hard pill to swallow: you’ll end up alone, even if you got married and did have ten kids, you’ll still have to live with yourself and be alone sometimes, so get an infinity bracelet and wear it as a reminder. jk that’s weird lol
3.Control your reactions.
Oh, personal issue… I promise I’m still learning how to control my own reactions and it’s not easy BUT totally worth it.
4. Stop blaming others for your own misery
That’s the case for many people, instead of taking responsibility for our current actions, we tend to always blame someone for how flucked up our lives are, parents, society, media, whatever it was, you are the creator of your life now and you should have some sense of responsibility to lead it.
5. Know that no relationship will ever make you feel complete.
Another hard pill to swallow, no friend, boyfriend, girlfriend will ever fix you unless you fix you… So get your superman cape on, and be your own hero.
6. And finally, get off Instagram
It’s so frustrating with all these insta models and influencers always looking flawless and you take a look at yourself and feel like infinite crap.
The thing is, that these beauty standards are so hard to cope with and 90% of the human population have average looking faces and don’t look like Barbie dolls, plus, photoshop is a key now and even if they looked the same in real life remember that you’re not ugly, just broke.
Instead of getting yourself into the “I’m ugly” bubble, embrace your own beauty, your own body and face, you gotta live with it so why not just accept it as it is and start making a change to these beauty standards that are lead by a minority of opinion leaders who want to make you feel unattractive so they’d gain money out of your plastic surgery??
I mean, I’m not even close to being a therapist but what’s the harm with helping others on something that we can all relate to right?